After the first book in the 'Secret Family' the subsequent books in the 'Family Secrets' series can be read in any older.

----- o O o -----

This book is in beta mode. It is currently in final edit following another rewrite. However, chapter one is done, actually a lot more that that has been done, and I'm pleased to be able to release the first chapter as a sampler. Please check back regularly to see subsequent parts. Even better, subscribe to my newsletter or blog and be one of the first to read it.

The first book 'Searching for Love' tells of the story of a family shattered by tragedy and who are finally reunited over seventy years later. Now 'Hope' tells her story. How did she escape from the clutches of the Gestapo? What happened to her twin sister Love, her elder sister Faith and rest of the family? What happen to the plan to flee to America?

1.

Berlin 1940 Saturday, August 24th; My name is Nadja and this is my journal of the day I died.

She approached the information office at Berlin Spandau West again; the constant delays were making her seriously worried. It had been more than an hour since she'd last asked for news. She'd hung around all day, in and around the station, waiting for the Koln service to arrive; Hopefully, her twin Lubja had caught the connection from Paris Gare de l' Est. OK, the war was raging, but that was a whole continent away, and they said the British were on the edge of defeat. Still, she fretted.

She flashed the old clerk her brightest smile and enquired for the Paris train again, aware that her frequent questions were beginning to arouse suspicions among the clerks. This time at least there was some news. The services from the west had been delayed due to problems on the line and the volume of traffic moving west.

'Troop movements,' he mumbled barely audibly with a cough. “There won't be any arrivals until tomorrow morning now Miss,” his worried look betrayed his concern for her. “Brussels is your best route for the west. Paris is too dangerous for you now young Miss,” he added in a whisper, apropos of nothing.

Her head was spinning. Had she really heard that? She stared at him wide-eyed, open-mouthed, momentarily frozen, unable to respond. An icy tingle swept down her spine. Recovering she rushed away from the kiosk without even thanking him in her panic. She struggled to keep calm, glancing nervously left and right as she fled from the station before a wave of anxiety threatened to overwhelm her. Her thoughts raced. Maybe he had noticed her or her twin sister making frequent journeys to Paris. They needed to change their routines. If he had noticed then maybe others had too. At least he had warned her, she thought. There were still some good people in Germany who were willing to take a stand, no matter how small, against the forces of darkness and madness that had swept through the land.

The delay in linking-up with her sister was still disquieting but the walk to her Oma's home allowed her to calm down at last.

“I'm back Oma.” She called as she came in.

“No Lubja!” The old woman asked her voice full of concern.

“Troop movements.” Nadja repeated what the clerk had told her and the tingle of panic rose again, “the next train's in the morning.” She made light of it like it was normal, well, delays and cancellations were becoming the norm these days.

“You girls need to stop doing this.” she chided.

“Doing what? We're just trying to finish our Doctorates. Just because we are women it doesn't mean we shouldn't be allowed to get an education. Or do you want us to be baby machines for the glory of the Reich?” Her reply betrayed her anxiety; Her sarcasm unwarranted.

“I know, I know, of course not. But it's too dangerous, I worry.”

“Sorry, Oma. I know it's not your doing.” She rested her hand on her Oma's shoulder, “I'm going to pop back home to let Mama know what we are doing. She'll worry if I don't tell her and then I'll be back to look after you and Opa. I think Mama has cooked Bratwurst with sauerkraut and potato salad for dinner. Is there anything else you want me to get for you?” Nadja asked.

At home, her mother fretted over the delay in getting back from Paris and Nadja tried to reassure her that it was just another small delay. The troop trains were causing delays on most routes and particularly for those between the capital and the front line in France.

“I know it’s Lubja's turn to take care for Opa and Oma this week, but seeing she is not here tonight I'm sure that Vera wouldn't mind swapping with you if you'd rather.” her mother said.

“No, its OK, Oma and Opa are no problem. I enjoy their company and knitting with Oma helps me cope with the anxiety. I do worry about getting then both into the cellar when the air-raid sirens sound, though. They have such a struggle with those steep steps. We need to get Papa to do something about that before someone gets hurt.”

It was about twenty minutes after midnight when the air-raid siren started it mournful cry. The first thing she thought was about her sister. 'Was she tucked in somewhere warm and safe?’ ‘They always aim for the train,’ Opa had told them. Where could you hide from the bombs if you were on a train? She puzzled.

It was a problem for another time, right now she had to get Oma and Opa to safety. The main thing was to take it steady and not to rush them or panic them. She reassured them, telling them there was no rush it would be at least a half an hour before the planes arrived if ever. There had been several alarms before, but nothing ever came of them.

She'd tucked her grandparents in snug and warm in the shelter in the cellar and went up to make them some warm milk in the hope that they'd fall asleep. Opa was becoming increasingly frail, and Oma was a light sleeper, the least sound seemed to startle her awake. While waiting for the milk to heat, she stepped out into the darkness to enjoy the cool summer night. It was then that she heard the distant droning of aircraft and almost immediately saw the flashes of the acht-acht shells in the distance followed by the beams of searchlights strobing the darkness for their invisible foe. They were in the east in the distance toward Tempelhof airfield.

She hoped that her mother and sister were safe in their shelter and Lubja was still on a train trying to get home from Paris. She gave a silent prayer for her family’s safe-keeping to her namesake and touched her cameo. Papa was the problem, he had gone to his lab at Siemens to install some new components. He'd found that he could often work better alone at night when he had to solve a problem. He was a physicist working in the new and rapidly advancing front of electronics. He had been working to build an electron microscope, but with the advent of war, he had been tasked with the job of designing radio detection equipment for Siemens & Halske. The British and Americans called it RADAR. The Siemens factory and the nearby anti-aircraft and searchlight batteries had been equipped with prototypes for testing. She hoped he would not put himself in danger by testing his system during the raid. For Hans the opportunity to conduct live testing of his equipment proved irresistible.

She watched as the shells seemed to make patterns as they burst like an enormous firework display. Suddenly she smelled the milk burning and the sizzle of the milk overspilling.

“Damn!” she muttered annoyed that she'd allowed herself be distracted, “more mess to clean-up.” She sighed.

She cleaned-up and poured three mugs of milk topping them up with cold milk to cool them a little before shuttling the two mugs to her grandparents.

“What is that noise? It sounds near!” Her Oma demanded tremulously.

“Oh, it’s miles away. It’s nothing to worry about,” Nadja reassured her, “see if you can get settled back again, keep tucked in and warm.” She soothed as she went upstairs again.

The truth was she was far from as calm or confident as she tried to sound. The noise seems louder and the big bangs were becoming more frequent. It was definitely becoming more intense. Despite the warmth of the night, an involuntary shiver overwhelmed her. She looked around of realised that the searchlight batteries around Siemens had been switched on and a loud explosion made her jump. The air around her smelled sharp, pungent, metallic and mist appeared to burst high in the air and started to billow before slowly falling. Soon it was difficult to see anything, it was like being in a thick fog and a smell, dust and cordite mingled in the air. She could hear the roar on aircraft engines as they approached. She ran inside and shut the door. She literally jumped down the stairs as the first explosion shook the house. The three of them crawled under the table, huddling and praying together. She could hear the sound of crockery crashing and falling.

Mercifully the bombardment didn't last long, and it appeared that little damage had been done. The most damage was to Opa and Oma. Already in their seventies, they seemed to have aged another twenty years in the last few minutes. The three of them appeared visibly shaken as they slowly crawled from their hiding place. There was no chance of falling asleep after that.

It had been so sudden, and violent. Oma and Opa sat on the edge of their bed holding hands as Nadja wrapped them in a blanket. The mugs of milk were spilt on the table but now with a powdering of dust covering them like the chocolate powder dusted on a cappuccino. Every surface seemed to be covered with dust. Nadja collected the mug and smiled gently as she said, “I'll just be a moment, I'm going to make some fresh warm milk and check the house for damage. Don't worry I'm not leaving the house, so call if you need anything.”

A few minutes later she re-appeared with the warm milk. She didn't mention about the sedative that the doctor had prescribed for them that she'd slipped into their milk.

“Well, it seems that was a lot of noise and fuss about nothing. I can't see any damage that a good dusting can't fix,” she announced sounding much brighter and more upbeat than she felt.

Nadja settled them down to wait for the soporific of the sleeping-draft to take effect¹. She was eager to slip out to her parent's house to check that everything is alright with them. She could go out the back and across the grassy areas without risking being on the roads. It wasn't illegal for a German citizen to venture out during an air-raid but it would raise too many questions. The kinds of questions that she couldn't risk. So she waited.

“I know you are desperate to check with your parents and sisters but promise you'll wait until the all-clear sounds and don't take any risks sweetheart.” Oma pleaded her, “if I'm right you have slipped something in our milk.” She smiled weakly, “I would have done the same if I were you.” she reassured her.

“Come on, I'll get you and Opa comfortable in your own bed. There won't be any more raids tonight.” She said as she helped them upstairs.

“Promise me you won't go out until the all-clear sounds, and be careful,” she said sadly, “keep your saint cameo next to your heart to protect you and say goodbye to your sisters for me.”

Nadja hugged them both as she tucked them in bed kissing them tenderly. They were fighting to stay asleep now. Those few steps to the door were some of the most difficult steps she had made. She quietly closed the door and collapsed against it sobbing silently. She was in two minds to go or stay. She knew in her heart that something was amiss.

The next minutes waiting for them to fall asleep dragged intolerably as she cleaned the house and checked her bag for what must have been the tenth time. She fretted about her family, were they OK? Had they managed to reach the safety of the bomb shelter? Had they felt as scared as she had? Why hadn’t Papa come to check on them? Her mind was a whirl of thoughts and fears. She kept cleaning, doing something familiar helped. Finally, the all-clear sounded. She crept upstairs and cracked the door open. They were sleeping soundly, a little buzz of heavy breathing could be heard. She could just pick-out the outline of them in the bed, as she watched them spooning together under the big quilt. She blew them each a final kiss, shut the door and went down.

She put a single red rose in a red vase in the front window before she eased the back door open and listened for a moment. The air smelt of explosions, for some reason it reminded her of the seaside and fireworks; Ozone. Discovering it was quiet and there was no-one around she slipped silently of the house and struck out for home. She walked quickly keeping a sharp eye out for movement. She could hear the noise and the confusion of people shouting as she approached the church. She slipped inside and hid her bag inside. Carrying a big bag was asking for questions and she couldn't risk that.

As she left the church she noticed her own footsteps in the light powdering of dust that covered everything. She stopped in her tracks jolted upright as she realised that they would lead straight to her grandparents if she was caught. She would have to do sometime about that later. Right now the sounds of the voices were becoming louder. She struggled to stay calm and walk as she turned the corner to her home. There was a small crowd of people and about a dozen soldiers milling around pulling at an enormous mound of debris, digging with their bare hands. Two men in long leather coats were shouting orders; The Sauer brothers. She smothered the instinct to scream and run to the sickening gaping hole in the block. It was like an obscene missing tooth, that hours earlier had been her home. Her stomach fell, she felt light-headed and her heart seemed to skip a dozen beats.

She didn't remember what happened next. She remembered running, being sick, and she felt like her heart had been broken torn in two. Everything was a blur, she was sobbing and the pastor of the church was trying to offer her comfort. She didn't remember how long she had been crying there. He was trying to answer her questions. He told her that there had been a family of five living there, father, mother and three sisters. That the mother and one of the sisters had been injured and the crew of the searchlight had dug then out. They had been sent to the hospital. The crew knew them, the father was a scientist at Siemens and was working with them just before the bomb exploded. He had gone with them to the hospital. Apparently the other daughters were twins apparently, but unfortunately, their bodies had not been found.

“It happens that way sometimes. God's will is difficult to understand, 'one will be taken and the other left;' I'd come to pray for them when I found you.” He sputtered, getting caught in two thoughts and making sense of neither. He looked at her neck and the icon that she was constant touching. Maybe he thought it was a cross or a rosary and she was a Catholic, “we are all God's children, He hears us all.” He added.

“This is not the rapture of Matthew 24:40, Pastor. And this is not God's will. This is man's evil doing, but thank you for your kind thoughts.” Nadja was stung into action at his assumption of her faith. Grabbing her bag she disappeared into the darkness.

A light drizzle had started to fall. At least the problem of the footsteps would be solved as the rain washed the dust away. She decided to return to her grandparents' home to let them know what had happened. As she walked back to her grandparents home dragging the heavy case she argued with herself. Should she continue with the plan and escape as they had planned or surrender to the authorities and plead for mercy. If she surrendered she could still save Opa and Oma and Lubja was still free. She could bargain her life for theirs. Yes, her life for theirs she resolved. She would willingly do that for them.

It was as she turned the corner to Oma's house she first noticed the car parked around the corner and two soldiers down the street. She hid her case and crossed the street to where the faint moonlight couldn't reach into the murky darkness. Cautiously she edged closer hoping not to raise their suspicions. She was on edge now, her breathing was shallow. She started shaking, fear was overtaking her. She was almost opposite the soldiers. They had taken position outside of Oma and Opa's home. There were only a couple of early risers on the streets heading to work at this time. They took no notice of the young woman in the rain, like the soldiers they kept their heads down and raised their collars to the worsening rain.

She was wondering what the soldiers were doing there. The door of Opa and Oma's house stood ajar, a pale shaft of light illuminating the step. Had she left the door unlatched in her haste to check on her parents? Was this all her doing? She was startled by an army truck which trundled up the street and stopping outside Oma's house with its engine still running. She could hear a disturbance emanating from the house but the truck was blocking her view. She straightened her shoulders determined to get to the bottom of it.

She stepped out, stopping in mid-stride. She glimpsed two frail bodies bundled still in their nightgowns, being unceremoniously dumped into the bed of the truck by two stone-faced storm-troopers before the truck roared away. For the second time within an hour, she stood rooted to the spot as she saw the Sauer brothers. Survival instinct took over. She automatically stepped back flattening herself into the blackest recess of the wall as she gasped for air. She prayed they hadn't noticed her. One of them glanced in her direction as though he'd seen her. She couldn't tell who it was in the gloom. A pigeon flapped noisily into the air disturbed by her proximity. Satisfied that it was just a bird they spoke briefly to the guards then turned toward their car. The Sauer brothers. Gestapo. Why them? Why now? In her heart, she knew she would never see her family alive again. For the first time, she felt completely alone.

Now she had to survive. She had to save her twin if she was still alive. She almost ran around the corner and headed to the bus stop² to the station as fast as she could go trying not to arouse suspicion. She prayed in her heart to her namesake, touching the cameo, asking she'd permit no harm befall her grandparents. She started beating herself-up in her mind; 'She had betrayed them. She was a coward by not rushing over and defending them. She hated herself for being so weak.'

Conflicted and confused she hobbled on to the bus stop half running as she sobbed out loud. Fortunately, there weren't many people in the streets at that time of the morning to see her struggling along crying. She managed to make it to the bus stop and collapsed leaning against it for support, gasping air, and shaking with fear as she tried to clear her mind. She would need to use all of her skills and even more luck if she was to be able to save herself and her sister and escape.

----- o O o -----

The Sauer brothers the very definition of Gestapo thugs. The girls knew them and feared them, as did most people who had had the misfortune of their acquaintance. The oldest brother Ernst had been in her sister Vera's class in school and the twins were in the class behind them. Klaus the younger brother was in the class behind that. The girl's parents realised that there was no chance for an education for them in Germany or Austria because they were girls and worse they were not of pure Aryan blood, so the family moved to France where the three girls studied for their Doctorates in Paris. Meanwhile, the boys were to become Hitler Youth (Hitler Jungend) members. They excelled in sports and combat training and became HJ-Streifendienst (Patrol Force) members, the internal political police force, spying on other members of the HJ and denouncing anyone who criticized Hitler or the Nazi system. They finally became fully-fledged Gestapo members after denouncing their own parents.

----- o O o -----

At the Spandau station, still red-eyed and teary, Nadja composed herself for the next problem while trying to fix her makeup. She wore her red beret and hoped that Lubja would spot it in time. She worried that it made her too conspicuous. She was desperate for her sister's company. It was the first time that she'd ever felt so alone without the loving family that she'd cruelly deserted. She needed to unburden herself, to beg her sister's forgiveness and hear soothing words of comfort for her troubled soul.

The Paris service would have been on time if it wasn't a day late. The irony was not lost on her. She spotted Lubja the moment she exited the carriage with the wounded sailor and watched her performance at the ticket barrier. It never seemed to fail, she marvelled. She saw Lubja put on her headscarf, confirming that she'd understood the danger. Even though they hadn't yet met she felt a surge of confidence knowing her sister as near. She carefully scanned the growing crowd for danger and sensing none she exited the station concourse.

The twins met later, in a coffee-house, after they were certain they had not been followed. They wandered to a park and sat on a bench speaking quietly in their mother's native Ukrainian dialect to avoid eavesdroppers. Lubja who hadn't heard of the bombing raid was shocked at the news. They had all agreed that Vera and the twins had to flee to America the first moment the bombs fell on Berlin. Nadja continued, telling them what their parents and grandparents had made them promise. Their last words to her. They had to follow the plan and do it without questions she stressed. Lubja could tell that something really bad had happened. She grabbed her sister's hands that were flapping nervously and leaning close to her face, she demanded.

“Just tell me what's happened?”

Nadja's eyes filled with tears as she told and of her night, starting with the air-raid siren and ending with seeing the Sauers at Opa and Oma's home. By the end, Lubja was weeping too. She looked pale and shaken.

“I'm so sorry. I've failed everyone.” Nadja sobbed.

“No, you didn't. Never say that. You did what everyone asked you to do. No one could ask you for more. I doubt that I could have done it,” she comforted her sister, “but I am worried about the Sauers. That's really bad news. Did you see them at our house?”

“No. I didn’t get that near, but they looked like them. I know it was them. The soldiers from the searchlight crew said it was them.”

“They are always there when something bad happens. The book burnings, the attacks on the church groups, Kristallnacht, attacking other groups and beatings. Wherever there's trouble and pain they'll be in the thick of it.”

“What about Eva?” Nadja shook her head.

“She was always the ring leader when they started chanting 'Untermenschen!' at us.”

“I remember her at school. They used to say, 'How can you tell if Eva was lying?'”

“Because her lips move when she speaks.” they chimed together grinning for an instant.

“But really, we are in big trouble.” The boys were always mean, spiteful, bullies and if you crossed Eva, she'd tell her brothers to beat on you, while she would just watch smiling, enjoying it.

“I'd forgotten about that.”

“Well, they haven't. They are still sadistic bullies, and they don't need a reason to be cruel, they'd torture you if they even suspected you were breathing.”

“I heard they even denounced their own parents.”

“You're talking about a whole family of psychopaths. If they even think that we aren't dead they will move heaven and earth to hunt us down and put us in prison or worse. There's nothing they'd like more than to destroy all the family.”

“There's nothing that we can do for the family other than survive. ”

“OK. We need to go now. I'll get the tickets and you get us something to eat on the journey. I've lost my case with food and my clothes. I haven't eaten today and I don't expect you've eaten since yesterday.”

“I'll do the shopping, I need the practice. What do you fancy to eat for the journey?”

“I just need something light like Brotchen with Wurstchen or Leberwurst, and maybe some Butterkase or Cambozola.”

“Wouldn’t we all. You’ll get what they’ve got and feel you’re lucky.”

“Whatever you do don't get any more of that disgusting, stinky Limburger.”

They went on their way agreeing to meet opposite the Paris platform. Nadja had checked the time of the next service to Paris while waiting for Lubja's train earlier this morning. It felt it had been hours since she'd arrived. She checked the time of the next service to Brussels at a different kiosk. She was being especially cautious and was becoming agitated as the time dragged with no sign of Lubja. She noticed a smartly dressed woman in a large brim hat, shaded glasses, and fashionable heels who seemed to be taking a particular interest in her or maybe looking down at her homespun clothes. Something about her wasn't right. She decided to move. The moment she did, the woman approached her and pulling out a cigarette she asked for a light.

“You cow! Don't do that. I didn't recognise you. It was only your walk and the damn cigarette that gave you away.”

Lubja giggled at her success in fooling her sister. “If you didn't spot me then we must be safe to sit together. Come on let's get on this train and I can get something to eat. I'm famished.”

“Ah! Yes, we're going to Brussels, not Paris.” Nadja explained as the looked for the correct platform. “And where did you get the money for all these new clothes?”

“Aren't they fashionable! I couldn't resist.” She was smiling and giggling again. “This nice young sailor donated his pay-packet. You saw him getting off the train.”

“He must have been a rich sailor.”

“Well there were a couple of officers too, but I'll tell you that story later.”

“You're so wicked!” Nadja chided, “They didn't donate anything for me did they?” she pleaded.

“They may have.”

They both got in the queue for the Brussels train. They decided that Nadja would jump off at Koln and then make her way to Paris Gare du Nord while Lubja would continue on to Brussels before catching the next train to Paris. Nadja noticed that there was a crowd around the platform for the Paris service to the ticket position and silently mouthed 'Thank-you'. At the Brussels barrier she nervously showed her ticket and passed through and Lubja, in her assumed disguise, boarded the same compartment a few minutes later.

They sat together and their friendly chatter established their cover stories as they shared a snack;

Nadja was going to the family farm outside Koln, to help with the coming harvest. The shortage of labour due to the war was a problem but Germany needed its harvest and everyone needed to do their part. She was proud the do her part. Lubja was travelling to Brussels to help an Aunt who had been injured in the bombing in Belgium to get back to Berlin. Her husband had been working in the German embassy and had been re-assigned. He couldn't talk about his new posting but he wanted to know that she would be safe with her family in Berlin.

By Koln, they appeared to have become fast friends and when Nadja alighted at Koln they kissed and hugged.

Lubja gave Nadja a diary saying, “Write it, use our code, so we can read it together when we meet again”. They kissed again.

This is at least was heart-felt. Neither of them knew if the would if either of them or any of their family would ever meet again.

Lubja watched from the carriage door as Nadja strode confidently down the platform. Her look changed to horror as several men in black coats suddenly swarmed toward the ticket barrier. Nadja was getting her papers in ready as she neared the barrier, she hadn't noticed the men converging toward her. The scene unfolded in front of her in slow motion as Nadja approached unaware. She was at the barrier. Lubja gasped, barely able to breathe. She held her breath, her arm waving wildly toward her sister indicating the source of the danger. She wanted to shout a warning, but that would be a death sentence to both of them. She turned away. She couldn't bear to watch the moment of her sister's inevitable arrest.